What a day! Not all that exciting but slightly stressful this afternoon. I was back in court fighting the ex over his contact application. What a farce! He moved counties almost a year ago but has only just decided to change solicitors after continuing to deal with one who was hundreds of miles away. So his tactic was dragging his heels...why? To try to delay the court ordering him to have a psychiatric assessment perhaps? Well, it backfired if that was the gameplan!
It was an interesting court hearing. Don't get me wrong - I didn't enjoy being there, in the same room as THAT man but I feel it went ok. I got the result I was expecting....my ex to have a psychiatric assessment before any contact considered but it is so frustrating being there, knowing he isn't really committed to seeing his kids. If he was, we would be in totally different place right now because he would have complied with social services etc a year ago but he is just using the system to continue the abuse. Why? Because he can! Grr.....
To be sat just cm's away from 'him' still brings a feeling of sickness in the stomach and sweaty hands when we are sat in court. Aside from listening to what was being said I couldn't help thinking 'was I really married to and did I really spend that many years of my life with him?'. Its almost surreal!
It is great that we may now not have to go to court again before November but I cannot carry on living as 'normal' because of the unknown with his mental health and what he might do! I do not want to be another 'stastistic' !! It is frustrating that we are here now when I am trying to rebuild mine and the girls lives but I cannot do anything more than what I am doing. I will fight with every last breath. I just hope that is enough.....
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