3 Years ago today.........

........I changed mine and the girls' lives - in a good and a bad way!

On 7th June 2010, having been separated from my husband since March 29th 2010, I rather stupidly and regrettably decided to reconcile with him. I say regrettably, but in some ways it wasn't regrettable and that is why I say it changed mine and the girls' in a good way too!!

Why? Well, for starters, at that point there were only two girls and me! I conceived Missy Moo very quickly after the reconciliation and will absolutely never, ever have any regrets about her! In some ways, I actually think her existence lives up to her (real) name - of Hebrew origin, relating to God. In addition, my decision to return to our 'previous life', having given a Police statement etc, triggered other events to occur and as mad as it may seem to some, a blessing in disguise, in the form of the involvement of Social Services/Children's Services!

Quite rightly, returning with my children to a home where there had been historic Domestic Violence, was not considered a good move by agencies involved with safeguarding children. Although I spent the next 13 months trying to make them all believe that what I had said was untrue, in the end their involvement has been a massive help in fighting my ex in court since I came to my senses and left him finally in July 2011 and ever since.....

For those of you who don't know me, there is a fair bit to my story that I will drip feed into my blog posts, but I can tell you now, my overall experience of Children's Services has been a positive one as their involvement and the lack of interest/commitment from my ex has resulted in Honey Bee having one hour supervised contact with him (supervised by our social worker) and the other two have not since him since we left in July 2011 - when Missy Moo was just 10 weeks old!!

What a farce!

What a day! Not all that exciting but slightly stressful this afternoon. I was back in court fighting the ex over his contact application. What a farce! He moved counties almost a year ago but has only just decided to change solicitors after continuing to deal with one who was hundreds of miles away. So his tactic was dragging his heels...why? To try to delay the court ordering him to have a psychiatric assessment perhaps? Well, it backfired if that was the gameplan!

It was an interesting court hearing. Don't get me wrong - I didn't enjoy being there, in the same room as THAT man but I feel it went ok. I got the result I was expecting....my ex to have a psychiatric assessment before any contact considered but it is so frustrating being there, knowing he isn't really committed to seeing his kids. If he was, we would be in totally different place right now because he would have complied with social services etc a year ago but he is just using the system to continue the abuse. Why? Because he can! Grr.....

To be sat just cm's away from 'him' still brings a feeling of sickness in the stomach and sweaty hands when we are sat in court. Aside from listening to what was being said I couldn't help thinking 'was I really married to and did I really spend that many years of my life with him?'. Its almost surreal!

It is great that we may now not have to go to court again before November but I cannot carry on living as 'normal' because of the unknown with his mental health and what he might do! I do not want to be another 'stastistic' !! It is frustrating that we are here now when I am trying to rebuild mine and the girls lives but I cannot do anything more than what I am doing. I will fight with every last breath. I just hope that is enough.....

Please Sign!!

I'm not one to always read the items in my Newsreel on Facebook but one that caught my eye this morning was from Refuge about signing a petition to the Government to encourage them to hold a public enquiry into the way the Police and other agencies handle Domestic Abuse responses.

Sign Petition for Public Inquiry into Handling of Domestic Abuse Responses

I would encourage anyone and everyone to sign it! Anyone who has experienced or is experiencing Domestic Abuse will understand the importance of this. Anyone who hasn't experienced it or doesn't know anyone that has then please consider signing it anyway. Two women a week are killed because of Domestic Abuse and very often the people around them have not been aware there was anything happening before they were killed. Not all abuse is physical violence but can result in terrible things.

I feel very passionate about trying to raise the awareness of such issues having lived in a Domestic Abusive relationship and although sometimes when I reflect on my 'previous' life I belittle it somewhat compared to those who have been hospitalised or worse, I know that what I experienced was unacceptable and completing The Freedom Programme has strengthened this.

Only yesterday in the news there was a story about a British man, Julian Stevenson who murdered his two children during his first unsupervised contact session with his children after an acrimonious separation and divorce from their mother because of Domestic Abuse. I am back in court tomorrow fighting similar circumstances. I live in fear every day that my ex will turn up out the blue and snatch my children or the Family Courts will have pity on him and give him the contact he claims he wants and he will then do something similar, with the theory that 'if he can't have them (kids), then no-one can'. Some people think I am being over dramatic but nobody knows what goes off in the heads of these men and tomorrow we are in court expecting the judge to recommend a full psychiatric assessment of my ex. Fingers crossed......

Driving me potty!

Well, today has been a mixture of news and events. That sounds a bit more exciting than it actually is but most of it is positive stuff!

This morning I helped out with duty at Sweet Pea's playgroup. Its been a while since I volunteered but I enjoyed it and so did Missy Moo who had to tag along. The scary thing is that it could be as little as 6 months before both are attending and I get to experience child-free days!

On return to the house at lunchtime, following the first of three tumbles from Sweet Pea (she blames her shoes of course!), I was delighted to receive an email from my solicitor containing an attachment of a Section 7 report compiled by Gloucestershire Children's and Young Person's Directorate (CYPD)  for our next week's court hearing. I can't go into too much detail at this stage but I will say that I was left feeling somewhat pleased with what I read, but also reeling slightly as I feel my family's safety is somewhat in limbo again! I rang the local Police DV unit but the Sgt I have been dealing with recently (who ironically used to work on shift with my ex!) was not available to speak to so I will have to chase him up tomorrow.

On another sort of high note, Missy Moo did her first voluntary wee on her potty!!!!!!!
She has done a little dribble before after I quickly put her on one when she started to wee on the carpet upstairs whilst waiting for a bath a few weeks back but today she was nappy free for a bit this afternoon and she kept sitting on the potty, then just as I was dealing with one of the other girls, she plopped herself down, did a wee then proudly stood up looking very pleased with herself! What a lot of praise she got, from all of us! So proud of her!

Blog Virgin!

Ho hum......what to write?! 

I'm a newbie blogger so I don't really know where to start!

I've introduced myself in the About Me section but I guess I should expand a bit on that!

My name is Karen, I live in Gloucestershire with my 3 gorgeous daughters, having fled from my abusive (now ex) husband.

I decided to start this blog as a way of sharing the highs and lows of life as a single parent and survivor of domestic abuse. Hopefully my experiences and thoughts might help others (men and women) who are living with or have escaped from an abusive partner or are feeling life as a single parent is tough.

I have been rebuilding mine and my girls' lives since 7th July 2011. 

My girls have until recently been subject to a child protection plan because of my ex so I have had involvement with Children's Services in Nottinghamshire and Gloucestershire, Women's Services, Police etc. We also have ongoing Contact proceedings at court because my ex is claiming he wants to see the girls but there are concerns regarding his physical and mental health so I will keep updating with my experiences of this along with the odd rant!

I know how lonely it can feel some days, I have friends who are currently struggling with 'the system' and moving forward but hopefully, my experiences might give confidence to others who are, at times, feeling let down and low.

There is no excuse for abuse!